I only LOOK like I'm sleeping

Long accused of being narcaleptic, I'm secretly gathering all the information I need to take over the world!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Spam and Britney


No, I'm not talking about the annoying emails, I'm referring to the gelatinous pork-like substance made popular during WWII. Why would I be talking about Spam you ask? Well, I have a group of girlfriends who get together weekly for dinner. We usually pick a theme, and this weeks theme was Hawaii. Now what could possibly be more Hawaiian than Spam? So I decided I should create a Spam dish. Mostly because I thought it would be funny, not because I really wanted to eat spam (In my defense, I also made an Asian cabbage salad). I made Spam Musubi. For those of you who don't know what it is, you can look it up, I'm ready to get to the good part.

Being the health conscious person I am, I bought Spam Lite, 50% less Fat!, 33% fewer calories! and 25% less sodium! What a wonderful world! I read the ingredient list: Pork with Ham, okay I'm going to stop there. Pork with Ham. What the HELL is Pork with Ham? My girlfriends came up with several possibilities, but I'm determined to get the truth from Hormel. I sent the following email to customer service this morning:

"I was reading the ingredient list on the can of Spam Lite I purchased, and I have one question:
What is Pork with Ham?
Thank you in advance for your response."

I will be waiting impatiently for their response. In the mean time, I will peruse the Spam Museum at Hormel.com. Maybe you should too...


I watched the Dateline interview. I'll start with the gum chewing, why, Britney, why? Show some respect for Matt, get rid of the gum! Few things are more unattractive than having a conversation with someone smacking away. And to be filmed like that? It is public speaking 101! Where is her publicist? Her stylist? Because now we need to discuss the jean skirt and TOO SMALL top. I kept wanting to reach into the TV and pull it up so her breasts didn't fall out! If you want people to respect you, show some respect for yourself! About her husband, I'm just not convinced she's telling the truth about her relationship. Her eyes were shifty, she always looked away from Matt when answering questions about K-Fed. It's okay if you married a weenie, acknowledge it and MOVE ON! As for your "fear" of the paparazzi, MOVE AWAY FROM LOS ANGELES!!! I agree they should stop harassing you. I agree you have basic rights as a human being to privacy and respect. BUT, EVERYONE knows the paparazzi is a HUGE problem in Los Angeles. If you are a celebrity, you will get your picture taken, maybe stalked. There is a simple solution for people with bottomless bank accounts- MOVE AWAY! You could live anywhere in the world. More or less peacefully. If you are really so distressed by the treatment you receive in LA, take your family away. It may be your only chance to have the "peace" you "allegedly" desire. The quotes bring me to my final comment. Air quotes, you over used them and they were used inappropriately so they just made you look silly. Try to stop that habit. Brit, I've never taken much interest in you or your career, but it seems painfully clear to me you need someone to shake some sense into you.


We got a response from Hormel already:

June 16, 2006

Ms Pine,

Thank you for contacting us about SPAM(r) Lite.

Pork with ham refers to the pork shoulder and the ham part of the hog.

Consumer Response Specialist
Ref # 1350693

I still don't know what the ham part of the hog is. I better go look it up.


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