I only LOOK like I'm sleeping

Long accused of being narcaleptic, I'm secretly gathering all the information I need to take over the world!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Continuing Theme

Work has been crazy. And tomorrow I'm going out of town for a few days, but I really intend on keeping this up.

Over time people will likely get sick to death of this subject, but who cares. This is for me, not you.

Dads. I'd like to say everyone has one. Unfortunately, there are millions of people who do not. We all have someone who gave their genetic material to help form us. However, genetic material donation does not a dad make. I don't have a dad. I have several people that have served in some dad capacity at one point or another in my life. I am EXTREMELY grateful I have those people. But there is not one man person I have that wonderful life long father-daughter bond with. This is okay with me. I know I am missing something I can never have, but I'm not going to wallow in sorrow about it. Life is too short for that nonsense. Enjoy your moments when you get them and move on.

What I would like to say is this:
If you have a dad. Appreciate him. He is the only one you are going to get. Be there for him and with him. Cherish the times you have had, and make new memories every chance you get. I say this because I believe there are a number of little girls (and boys) who take their dads for granted. I was painfully reminded of this on Father's Day. There is a fellow who is a very important surrogate dad in my life. He also has a daughter. He is one of those dads who would leave work early to go to her softball games, was always there for every school talent show. He adores his little girl. I don't think she saw him on Father's Day this year. She called (I know because he was with me at breakfast when she did), but wasn't likely to see him because she was moving. And not moving to different towns, she had been moving all week, to a house just down the street. And she only lives 20 minutes from her dad. I don't get it. I just don't feel like moving is a good excuse not to spend a little time with your dad on Father's Day. But then, who am I to say how a person should treat their dad.

I have an opinion that most people have their priorities all screwed up. I'm talking about choosing to do chores instead of spending time with your family or friends (or moving instead of seeing your dad on Father's Day). Yes, I agree that laundry needs to get done. But when you are a lonely old person, are you going to miss doing that load of laundry or going out to eat with your friends? Got too many commitments to make one more? Too many people don't have people who want to spend time with them. Make yourself a little uncomfortable and be with your people! While I get TIRED of running around on weekends, not spending time at home, always being on the go, I know I will look back on my life and be certain I was available to my people. I enjoyed them, and hopefully they enjoyed me.

We are only in this life once, make the decision to make the most of it.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Spam and Britney


No, I'm not talking about the annoying emails, I'm referring to the gelatinous pork-like substance made popular during WWII. Why would I be talking about Spam you ask? Well, I have a group of girlfriends who get together weekly for dinner. We usually pick a theme, and this weeks theme was Hawaii. Now what could possibly be more Hawaiian than Spam? So I decided I should create a Spam dish. Mostly because I thought it would be funny, not because I really wanted to eat spam (In my defense, I also made an Asian cabbage salad). I made Spam Musubi. For those of you who don't know what it is, you can look it up, I'm ready to get to the good part.

Being the health conscious person I am, I bought Spam Lite, 50% less Fat!, 33% fewer calories! and 25% less sodium! What a wonderful world! I read the ingredient list: Pork with Ham, okay I'm going to stop there. Pork with Ham. What the HELL is Pork with Ham? My girlfriends came up with several possibilities, but I'm determined to get the truth from Hormel. I sent the following email to customer service this morning:

"I was reading the ingredient list on the can of Spam Lite I purchased, and I have one question:
What is Pork with Ham?
Thank you in advance for your response."

I will be waiting impatiently for their response. In the mean time, I will peruse the Spam Museum at Hormel.com. Maybe you should too...


I watched the Dateline interview. I'll start with the gum chewing, why, Britney, why? Show some respect for Matt, get rid of the gum! Few things are more unattractive than having a conversation with someone smacking away. And to be filmed like that? It is public speaking 101! Where is her publicist? Her stylist? Because now we need to discuss the jean skirt and TOO SMALL top. I kept wanting to reach into the TV and pull it up so her breasts didn't fall out! If you want people to respect you, show some respect for yourself! About her husband, I'm just not convinced she's telling the truth about her relationship. Her eyes were shifty, she always looked away from Matt when answering questions about K-Fed. It's okay if you married a weenie, acknowledge it and MOVE ON! As for your "fear" of the paparazzi, MOVE AWAY FROM LOS ANGELES!!! I agree they should stop harassing you. I agree you have basic rights as a human being to privacy and respect. BUT, EVERYONE knows the paparazzi is a HUGE problem in Los Angeles. If you are a celebrity, you will get your picture taken, maybe stalked. There is a simple solution for people with bottomless bank accounts- MOVE AWAY! You could live anywhere in the world. More or less peacefully. If you are really so distressed by the treatment you receive in LA, take your family away. It may be your only chance to have the "peace" you "allegedly" desire. The quotes bring me to my final comment. Air quotes, you over used them and they were used inappropriately so they just made you look silly. Try to stop that habit. Brit, I've never taken much interest in you or your career, but it seems painfully clear to me you need someone to shake some sense into you.


We got a response from Hormel already:

June 16, 2006

Ms Pine,

Thank you for contacting us about SPAM(r) Lite.

Pork with ham refers to the pork shoulder and the ham part of the hog.

Consumer Response Specialist
Ref # 1350693

I still don't know what the ham part of the hog is. I better go look it up.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Baby Showers

I'm not a huge fan. Unfortunately this is one of the crosses women have to bear.

I have a friend, seven WEEKS pregnant. Her mother contacted me this week because we have to start planning the baby shower.

I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable making any plans for the babies this early in the pregnancy. Did I mention there are two babies? I'm of the opinion you shouldn't even tell people you are pregnant until after the first trimester. Too much can happen. It's scary.

I've always thought my mother was crazy. You know, like when I asked for a list of people she would like on the invitation list for my wedding, she said "all my people are dead or about to die". Crazy. But I think my friends mom may be holding the "Craziest Mom" title. Maybe the impending Grandmotherhood has made her wires short circuit. Maybe all moms are a little crazy.

Maybe motherhood MAKES you crazy.